Resolution / Breakdown

Resolutions. The way I break down that word is re- solution. Find a "new" solution. I must find a new solution. A new way. A new road to dealing with things. With myself, with chaos, with problems, with my boyfriend, with my life. All the time. Every second of every day.
On New Year's Day around the world people look for ways to improve their lives. Ways to solve things. To start new. I have never been big on making resolutions because I don't like to start things I can't finish. I don't like to make promises I can't keep. This year, I'm making some realistic improvements instead.

I am going to try to write real actual letters to my kids more often. I'm aiming for twice a month with that moving to once per week.
I am going to try to not freak out when I have horrible PMS.
I will try to get along better with my boyfriend without naming names or placing blame or taking things too personally.
I will try to be less defensive in all of my endeavors. Not everything is about me, as much as I sometimes wish it was... in good and bad ways.
I will try to be a better listener so I can interrupt less.
I will try to be comfortable with this body I am in. It has done me good so far. I will try to not care if I am not the same size as I once was, because truly I realize it doesn't matter as long as I am eating good foods and not filling myself with junkfood.

I will try to control my emotions in a fashion that I never have tried before: I will ask for help. I will try to not be so quick to anger or defensiveness. I will show more love so I can receive more love. I will say I'm sorry first.

I will try to feel less guilty about little things that are stupid in the long run and don't even really matter. I will be a better friend and reach out first, then I will feel less lonely. I will close myself off and say no when it is necessary without feeling guilty about it.
I will try to worry less about the future. I will try to be thankful for the here and now, even when it seems nothing special or exciting is happening. I will try to find beauty in the mundane.

I will be more thankful. I will show that thankfulness. I will say I love you and mean it EVERY DAY. I will spend more quality time with my family.


Happy New Year. 2011 bring it on!