Where does time go?

Almost 6 months ago I had this crazy thing happen to me..... I had another baby.

My oldest baby is 15 now and my next oldest is 13. My youngest baby is nearly 6 months old. I didn't really picture that happening in my life and I'm so thankful that it has.

I can't believe my son & daughter used to be babies and I used to breastfeed them and rock them and read them book after book and kiss their open mouths full of drool & spit up & they would kiss me back. . . I do all of these things with my new baby too.

It's weird. Time goes by so fast and then you turn around and everything is different. It's heart breaking & glorious all at once. 

I love the people my children are turning into and I am excited to see what my new one will turn into- a dragon maybe?!? (Haha!)

My life is grand and I don't say enough how thankful I am for it.

I am thankful. I am supported. Everywhere I have support and I am so thankful for my husband who supports me financially so that I may stay home with our baby and raise her like I wanted to for my entire life.  I am lucky and I don't ever EVER want to take that for granted.

Love is right now all around me. I am glad. It will stay.

Mom problems!

Mom problems continued: Baby just wants to suckle ALL the time!!! She has been having a very hard time lately at night falling asleep on her own with no pacifier. I am not against her having one but I AM against myself holding it in her mouth for an hour and a half straight while I am awake and exhausted the whole time of doing this. Each time it falls out, even if she is asleep, she cries loudly! I finally went into my own room because I need sleep too but of course left to her own devices she just suckles her hands and thumbs but they are not good enough so she just cries more loudly! Man, I feel lucky my other two kids never had this problem but I am pretty tired. Fingers crossed she just falls asleep on her own as I don't know any other options wherein either of us gets any sleep. Also this is NOT a nap time daytime problem, only a night thing. Sigh. I do love babies and she sure is cute!!!!

Baby H meets the world!

After much heartbreak & lots of crying & annoyance at the last year after my miscarriage, I got pregnant again pretty quickly, and very luckily.

On Dec 19, 2014, baby H joined my world and my life.
She is the third child of mine, my other two kids being ages 14 & 12 right now.

It is amazing to add her to my family, to be a sibling for others and a daughter for my sweet husband, his first child.

I am so happy to have her in my world. If I believed in heaven I would like to think that my dad and brother sent her to me just wrapped up perfectly. I don't believe in heaven or hell but I still like to have those thoughts from time to time.

I still sometimes think of the baby we lost. Although it wasn't a "baby" yet, it could have been, it was going to eventually be a baby, and I wonder if it would've been a boy or a girl, what it's name would have been, what it would look like. I will probably always wonder about it, and forever it will be special to me no matter what.

For now I am definitely sleep deprived, crabby, feeling very unsexy indeed and basically acting milk machine 24/7 for a newborn baby.  I wouldn't want it any other way and therein lies the grace, I suppose, of motherhood.