1. I hate rollercoasters and or anything that has to do with "fast riding." I really really hate them all. And by hate, I mean I will throw up and get SERIOUS anxiety attacks. I went on a rollercoaster all of twice in my life and both times ended up crying. Including Space Mountain at Disneyland... that stuff SERIOUSLY scares me, OK.
2. I am REALLY short. It's annoying. Most people don't realize how annoyed I really am by my height, or lack thereof. I mean, I don't really notice how short I am until I am in a store, say, and a 6 year old walks by and is a head taller than me. Or when I'm next to someone like Ryan, standing up, and he's like twice my height. Or when I can't see the tops of fridges, reach stuff on shelves, or fit in position 69 well. Damn, it sucks to be so short. I'm only 5 foot Zero and to this I say, "F*ck you bad genes!!!"
2.5 And speaking of being short, it sucks that most of USA associates shortness with youth. I KNOW this is part of why I don't look my age- 29 - and so f*ck off stranger. Sorry, I can't grow anymore, what the hell. I get so sick of hearing "You don't look your age." I really WANT to look my age thankyou, then maybe more people would have respect for me. Or maybe not, cuz I'm kindof an outrageous bitch. How's that for 29?!
3. I have an irrational fear of being alone. I'm not sure what this stems from. And by alone, I don't mean like 'emotionally' alone; like physically left alone being the last one in the world and not knowing what to do. I don't even like being in my own house alone for too long. Although on the other side, I love spending time alone and I love to just chill and relax by myself. Sometimes I am quite antisocial believe it or not.
4. I can't remember what my natural hair color is. Surprise surprise. It's some shade of ugly dirty blonde. When I was very young, I had very long, very white blonde hair. As I got older it got brown and mousyish so I began dying it. And the first color I ever dyed it was blue. After that was red. Since then, it's been nothing but chaos.
4.5 Speaking of hair, I am also very proud of the fact that I look damn cute with really short hair; not many girls can say that. So to all you "long haired" girls who are too scared to cut your hair, I say "GOOD! PUSSY! More hot guys for me"
5. When I was a little kid, I used to be REALLY afraid of cows. We lived in the middle of nowhere, see, and cows used to roam freely in my yard. I was like a foot tall probably, and cows are still big to humans. The first dream I remember is of two cows- a black one and an orange one- stomping on me; they were on their hind legs and just massacreing me. I started screaming; my mom says to this day she thought something TERRIBLE was happening. Well, it was in my head, the cows were killing me. Now I choose to kill them, figuratively, and eat them. So take that and like it cows.
6. I really miss when I used to wear makeup every day. Now when I wear it, people ask disgustedly, "Are you wearing makeup" Incredulous of me, I know, but sometimes I just want to look cute OK. So the next time you see me with make up on, shut the Hell up, unless you're going to say, "Hey it looks cute."
7. I used to have really small boobs and now I still have small ish boobs, but they're my favorite part of my body. I used to stand in front of the mirror and wish I had cleavage. It's still new to me, this whole cleavage idea, and I freaking love it. Good game, self, good game. And to the boobs I say, "Thankyou for breastfeeding two kids." And also, if you ever have the pleasure of getting naked with me, don't forget about my boobs. They're nice, ask anyone.....
8. Hallucinogens are a HUGE part of why my memory doesn't work as well as it once did; and truthfully I don't know if ever worked right in the first place. They changed my life over the course of time and only for good. To EVERY single person I've ever tripped with, been around while I was tripping, etc... I say, I LOVE YOU! Thankyou for being there.
9. I figured out that I've been in three, count 'em, three emotionally abusive relationships in a row (and one was physically abusive for a second). This streak has got to break, and I'm trying that starting right now. Let's all hope this time it works.
10. I really like writing and reading and when I grow up someday I would love to write a memoir. I guess I could start now, huh? Memoirs are my favorite kind of books and I really like to read them. My life is fun sometimes, so I guess other people might want to read about it, and if they don't, well f*ck those guys.
11. Is my favorite number. But once it was 3. And once it was 14. And no, these aren't the number of people I've slept with. ELEVEN just sounds cool. Three was my favorite when I was little. I don't know why.
12. I get really freaking sick of people who expect me to know what the Hell I'm doing with my life, like I have some grand plan. I don't have a clue. The only reason I'm going to college is because I got divorced and found out my ex was cheating on me with a girl whom he ended up marrying who is now raising my kids and oh yeah the mormons didn't tell me that was possible... and in my naive youth I once thought I'd be married forever. Plan "B" is school, and God knows why I'm here. Do I care? Not really. I just try to be happy, so PLEASE screw off with your "get your life together" bullshit.
This is why I surround myself with good people.
13. I nearly always put in more to relationships than I ever get out of them. One time it was equal, and now all I can do is hope to get that chance someday again, either with him or someone else.
14. Once I was naked with this guy in his bed, and we didn't have sex. I'm glad in retrospect that nothing happened. Nowadays I still know this man, and I'm secretly "in love"with the kind of man he is now. I guess it's not a secret anymore. And by "in love" I mean, he's the kind of man I would love to be with. He rocks!
14. I love my friends. All of you who are reading this, thankyou, and if you're not, well, then I love you anyway. I would give all of me to you if necessary. Thankyou for reading.
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