Weekend

mohawks
birthdays
old friends
good friends
true friends
drinking
great conversations
new friends
importance of history happening while we partook in it
snow monkeys
talking of love and of falling into it
waking up
french toast and jam
laughter
ice cream and where to get it
nap time
20 questions
the sky, table lamp
an irish pub
beautiful friends in beautiful clothing
cold cold line waiting
moving stopping moving again
finding our place
musical genius
singing, drums, marimba, guitar, bass,
SINGING
lyrics. The most amazing lyrics.
poems by DICKMAN!!!!
teary eyes not believing such a woman was right in front of me.
Right in front of me.
Breathing the same air as me.
leaving excited with open night ahead
Cheap dive bar
Strong drinks
Dilletante chocolate cherry martinis
Expensive for my own taste
Delicious
Laughter Walking Shouting
Going "home" for the night
Negro Modelo and
Hard cider made for spring
Limited Editions
My joy and surprise in the crisp peach flavor
Wishing it would last longer than spring.
Speaking of crushes, of girls loving boys loving boys loving girls loving girls loving girls loving everyone.
Speaking of meetings, of getting together, of relationships, of cheating, of open/closed/poly/mono/normal ???/communication!!!
Setting boundaries making loose rules
Deep huge bathtubs built for two or three.
Remembering the pleasure of having a bath drawn for only you.
Goddess in white appearing from nowhere
Hairbrush in hand
Backrubs, scalp rubs, skin
Foreign words entering my brain for later use.
Foreign feelings entering my brain for later use.
Perrier/Perrierrrr Water. Drink more water. Snob water.
So warm, pruny skin.
Fancy thick beer for sharing.
Towels lotion tea tree oil
the softest lips I have ever been kissed with.
Blankets, beds, couches, floors, kitchens, windows, music, birds
Sunrise of the city coming to life
People in planes so far away doing "real life" things
Too many thoughts going so fast wanting to hold the moment to never forget how this feels right here right now.
Snuggles kisses Love. Sex. Feeling.
The tiny hairs on smooth skin.
Dancing not believing
Dream world such meditation such beautiful bodies moving in the sunlight all as one
Remembering things from nowhere, memories popping to life.
Old porches and other sunrises and a whole different past.
Never thinking never imagining how amazing this could be.
Never imagining I could end up here. HERE with these people.
Love. Love. Shared. Important. Kept. So close to my heart, in my mind forever.
Sunlight, curtains, so warm in blankets, so loved, so close to tears with joy.
Together Alone Apart Together.
As together as "this is my life and it is really happening right now."
As one. As one. As one.
Sleep eluding those of us who never want it to end.
Never want it to end.
Waking up (was there any sleep at all)
Topless woman perfect mind perfect body
Coffee, toast, and apples pears grapefruit and just enough raspberries for each to have one.
Reluctantly dressing back to a life so far gone, so far in the past.
Walking outside, music playing in a fountain.
Children, sunlight, getting sprayed by musical water.
Thankful. Thankful. Thankful.
In love with this.
Dream like state dream like world dream like life dream like you have never dreamed before like dreaming is all that matters because dreams are real.

My Body and How I Feel About It

1. I like my porcelain doll skin. I am so pale. I have no desire to be "tan" other than what the sun naturally kisses me with.

2. I have insecurities about my belly. This girl who once weighed a mere 96 pounds before having babies now weighs a good amount more than that, and has birthed 2 children. I weigh as much now as I did when I was 9 months pregnant, and I'm NOT PREGNANT currently. The thing is, I'm not motivated enough to try to do sit ups or ab exercises, so I just deal with it and try to dress appropriately when I go out so that my own ugly parts don't show. I know these insecurites exist in my head, and I'm very VERY lucy to have a boyfriend who thinks I'm beautiful and sexy no matter what.

3. The upside to having babies was that I finally got some boobs. I think that physical part of me is basically perfect. Not too big, not too small- just kind of amazing. And they also fed two babies- functional AND awesome.

4. My feet are small with high arches, I like them OK. They get me around to all kinds of places, they help me walk, drive, run, stand, sit... I don't give my feet enough attention. But I DO paint my toenails. Right now they are blue.

5. My legs are short and small, just like the rest of me. I have small genes, what can I say?

6. These two arms - they help me cuddle, they give hugs, they receive hugs, they LOVE hugs. I like them a lot.

7. My face. I think I'm pretty. I have always thought I'm OK looking, but now, in my adult life, I think I'm pretty. Not like "Oh my god supermodel" pretty, but just normal pretty. Pretty enough.

8. Growing my hair out is always proving to be a challenge. I hate growing up and I think I look hot with short boyish hair. BUT... I want to see what I look like with longish hair, so I guess I'll just try to keep growing it. No promises though.
I always dye my hair, it's been every color in the rainbow, and it helps to have a change while trying to grow it longer.

It's been too long

I haven't posted in a long time. I guess I didn't really have anything exciting to say here! I really still don't, but whatever. I rarely have anything great to say in any case.

My b.f. and I moved away from the RV we were living in and now we are living in a house. It has 3 bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a pantry. So much space. Sometimes I just sit in my living room and think "This is so freaking awesome." Because it totally is! My b.f. works so hard so we can afford this, and it's just another way I'm thankful for him.

Over the last two weeks my kids were here in town visiting us. That was really REALLY fun. We mostly just chilled around the house, and it made me happy. We did go to the space needle, and that was definitely worth remembering. We also spent a lot of time over at my friend's house... one of my besties! One of my kids besties also.

We had to take them to Portland on Saturday, so they could go home. While we were doing that we had the chance to visit with some of our good friends in Portland. And one of my best friends from K. Falls came up and visited us too. It was one of the BEST most fun weekends I've had in a very long time, and I really needed it to help me calm down and feel better about not having my kids for another month. It was so great, it was so epic. Loved it. Love all the people involved in it.

The other new thing is that my b.f. and I got a cat. His name is Pixel and he is a Russian Blue. He makes me feel less lonely and I love having him around to pet and to play with and to just generally make me feel less alone in the house all day. It's kind of amazing.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the love I am surrounded by lately. It makes me feel HAPPY.
That is it for now.