Vices

I'm in a complaining mood so this is going to be a complaining post.

I miss my drinking days.
I don't miss getting drunk, but I miss going to the bar. I've been going with friends lately, like once a week, out to a nearby cider/beer bar, and that has truly been helping. It may seem like something weird to miss, but whatever, I like it. I like socializing outside of my house sometimes.

I hate HATE HATE looking for a job. Oh my god, it is the most awful bullshit ever. I have applied for a few and gotten denied for 2 since I got laid off in late March. One job I got denied b/cause I don't want to show up for work at 6 a.m. Don't tell me I'm being picky, I don't give a shit if I am... 6 a.m. is not a happy time for miss Erika. Period. The other one I was apparently overqualified for (cafeteria worker in hospital)... WTF! It's tough out there, boys & girls. Tough.

I am feeling super freaking fat lately. I don't weigh any more than normal, but my pants don't fit and I'm angry about this fact. They just fit fine last week. WTF is going on? This angers me. It angers me to the point that I am determined to lose this god damn fat stomach. I look pregnant, and I am NOT pregnant (unfortunately for me)..... I look sick to myself and I am not happy about it, so I must start exercising now. Luckily, my b.f. and I made a pact to walk every weekend somewhere together. Also, I think I have myself reached the point of unhappiness with my body that I am determined to start walking every day. I might not lose this weight quickly, but I am going to lose it, and that's all that matters. My b.f. suggested I put away the scale for one month starting the day I start exercising daily, and then see how much I lose in one month. I don't know if I can do it... I'm worried about GAINING weight, so that's why I weigh myself just to make sure I'm staying the same-ish.

I really want to have another kid. Like yesterday. There is no point in bringing this up to my b.friend because we've had endless talks about it. (YES I realize I would get fatter if I was pregnant- NOT THE POINT!!!!) He wants a kid, yes, but "not until we're ready"... There is no use trying to explain there will NEVER be a time when we are "ready". I'm frustrated and it sucks and I try to not to talk about it or bring it up, but it has really been bothering me lately. Ugh. I don't even know what to do anymore, I'm just upset.


The only non complaining thing I have to say in this post is that I'm really happy my 2 kids are moving only 3 hours away from me rather than the 8 hours away they live now. STOKED!