Depression

I feel like shit in this city. I feel really damn alone. It sucks. I don't know what to do to snap out of it, or if snapping out of it is even possible. Most of my good friends live in Oregon. Granted, I do know a few people here, and I am not discounting the absolute love and goodness they have shown me, but WTF. I don't have anyone to just call to go have a drink with. I don't have a bar to go alone and be comfortable at.

I have this terrible depression in my life. I have always felt "alone". (Disclaimer: for those of you who think depression is not real, please quit reading now, and if you continue on, please do not comment on my thoughts. Thankyou) This is really no different than the other times, but it's just getting to me. I used to drink to get rid of this feeling and now I know why. Because being drunk and feeling NOTHING is WAY easier than dealing with feeling sad all the time. Yes, there were drunk times when I would cry & feel sad & emotional, but they don't even compare to the times like now when I feel sad and am crying & emotional totally SOBER.
I am trying to break the 'drinking the pain away' habit, though, so that's not a good option right now.

The problem is, that I don't have options. I have been seeing a therapist, and hoping it will begin to help, I am trying to be optomistic about it. But I know I have chronic depression, and what can a therapist do other than just tell me what I already know but in a different light? I don't know, but hopefully I will find out.

I just want a friend to go drink with, to go hang out with and talk, to go watch a sunset away from the city.... but where to go? It's a never ending circle of doom right now.

I feel freaking helpless & alone. I kinda hate my life right now, which makes me feel selfish. I live in a free country, I live in a place where most people have the ability to eat, live, & be wasteful, so what gives me the right to feel like this? It doesn't matter, it doesn't change the fact that I feel crappy. Siiiigh.

I've no good way to end this. So, I'm done.