Sutter Home White Zinfandel/Dilemma

Is really cheap wine. Yet every time I drink it, I feel soooo glorious inside. And I am NO wine snob, sir. So I have a sort-of dilemma. I kind-of like this guy. I don't really know what to do about it. Do I tell him? Do I stay quiet? In the past, I've had no problems just speaking my feelings as bluntly as possible. I am usually a firm believer in the fact that life is too short to NOT speak ones feelings, especially when it comes to these matters of the heart. (cheesy I know) This has sometimes gone in my favor, and sometimes not, but this time.... I really don't know what to do. Do I dive in and just drop the bomb? Does he already know? (It's a possibility) Does ANY of it matter anyway?! GRRR.

I'm a little bit afraid. Wait, no, I'm a LOT afraid. Of what? You may be asking yourself. Well, I don't really know what I'm afraid of either. Awkwardness, the feeling not being reciprocated, the feeling definitely being reciprocated, maybe it's NOT a real feeling at all, and I'm just imagining it. I don't know anymore!!!

I do know that I'm not too afraid to write in this blog about it, I guess that's a step in one direction. Which direction.... yet ANOTHER I don't know answer. Anyway, the time I spend and the time I have spent in the past with this person is very very very near and dear to me. I'm having a hard time just blowing it off. I'm having trouble just telling myself to let it go and not worry about it. Worry isn't really the right word, so much as, figure it out in your head silly goose.

I do know a few things.
.5. I think this guy is possibly interested me too, but I'm kind-of afraid to find out either way. I mean, if it's not at the same level, that's going to suck.
.7. And if I knew what that level was for myself, it'd be easier for me to explain and talk to him about it.
1. If this is an opportunity truly showing itself for me, I would have to be freaking STUPID to not grab onto it.
2. If this did pass me by, and this guy gets some other lucky girl, I'd be pretty let down in myself for not taking the chance when I had it in the first place.
3. That 'other' girl would be DAMN lucky to have such a great guy
4. Why can't I be that girl?!
5. I CAN!!!

The end. For now anyway. *this post brought to you by Sutter Home White Zin, the letter E, and the number 31*

November November November!

I honestly have no idea where the hell the whole last year went. One day I'm minding my own business, the next second it's all "Hey! Stupid! It's 2009, nearly 20-10!!!" And I have decided that when it becomes 2010, I'm going to pronounce it like "twenty ten" rather than "two thousand ten" cuz shoot, I feel like it. And then every year after that I'm going say "twenty" at the beginning, just because I can.

After that last post about being happy, I did indeed take a road trip and it made me VERY happy. I had soooo much undeniable fun on that trip. At first I was quite apprehensive to go to Seattle, but the feeling quickly disappeared as my host was quite amazing in every possible way. I couldn't have asked for any more greatness. That was followed by a trip to Portland for HOWL, which was more fun beyond any fun-ness in my life as of late. What a party, so many beautiful people in costumes, so many chirping sparrows, so many new friends and so much pants on (and pants off) to be enjoyed.

Since then I've been back in Klamath Falls at home, working, staying home, not really doing much else, which is OK for now.
I'm trying to focus on getting out of this town for good, because I really just want to expand my horizon. Also trying to focus on being happy every day even when I don't feel like it. Which is often.
I am planning another trip Northward to Seattle to visit the same friend and am looking forward to that like is there no tomorrow.
This Friday I get to have my kids for the weekend, and we are going out with my mom to her favorite restaurant for belated birthday celebrations. (p.s. happy birthday today mom, love you!)

Good times are upon us all.